|The weekend brought plenty of time to think.|
Yesterday, Sas said,"Sometimes I worry that I spend so much time dreaming of the future life I am building, that I miss out on the magic of right now." That struck a chord with me because I have been in the opposite position. So embedded in the non-magical right now that I was incapable of visualising a better future. Just wouldn't happen and I'm good at this stuff. So I've had to deconstruct the obstacle brick by brick. I am still doing it. Here's what I'm learning:
Balance - in the 50/50 equality sense I have looked for - is a myth. Struggling for that is as futile as trying to get your child to eat every meal with ideal quantities of vegetables, protein and carbs. See the big picture (this, by the way, is what a buzzard/hawk always reminds me). She may eat only pasta every meal but she snacks on fruit, veg and nuts. You may have months of stress and anxiety and you may feel like crap but try to find time to spend in the presence of good even if you are so locked up you feel impermeable to it. Even just 15 minutes. A quarter of an hour without attention will not enable your problems, like some Whovian weeping angel, to sneak up and DESTROY YOU AND WIPE YOU FROM TIME. A little peace, even a really little bit, will give you space and in that space you will see new options and you will feel better. Stop feeling guilty and ashamed that you don't have balance. Light is so much more powerful than the dark that a pinch of it brightens years of darkness.
I think the same applies to Now and Future Life.
To use Martha Beck's terminology (Hello, my name is Jo and I'm a Martha Beck Fan Girl), imagining and forming your future is powerful magic. It's concentrated goodness. (Are you seeing a teeny tiny glass phial with drops of a glowing liquid in it? Me too. Heh.) If I manage to find 15 minutes a day to dedicate to that magic it somehow heals the rest of my tumultuous, chaotic, busy day and I am better able to see the magic that also exists there. Finding 15 minutes is not always easy and that's not because my life is so packed, it's because I am a disorganised, impulsive person who doesn't really plan and I'm learning to be okay with that because trying to change it makes me sick, the way sitting still makes my sensory-seeking daughter sick. Whole other post. See how I impulsively went off on a tangent? Yeah, that.
Where was I? Fifteen minutes. I have found I can have that in the morning as I get ready for work. I can have that and more by locking the bathroom door and lying in a hot bath. I can have it as I fall asleep at night. I can have it as I drive to and from the office. I can have it as I walk with my dogs. I'm surrounded by blocks of 15 minutes. This is a new thing for me. Realising I have what I need. I have lots of it. Who knew? (Shut up.) And that in itself causes a positive shift. So in that time I'm playing with future magic. I'm building it. I'm meditating, sitting in peace and awareness, tapping (pow.er.ful.) or dreaming. I think dreaming is the best because it's fun. It's art. And a little hit of it will carry me way further than I'd believed.
This is not news to most people. It's a no-brainer for many but I think it will be an ongoing lesson for me. I have to be prepared to practise and be a little bit disciplined about it. I am about the all or nothing. If I can't have it all then what's the point? Why would I stop after a little bit of anything? Because - here's my new mantra - a little bit of light clears a whole lot of darkness. A teeny bit of considered, disciplined, devoted 15 minute practise - hell, even five minutes - is a wonderful, efficient, positive thing to do for myself. It makes me feel better and it makes my future better.
It's creation, baby. Creation.